all the world is waiting for the sun...
lyrics of the song that just ended on spotify, all too well fitting. its been a rainy summer in cuse and i feel like its raining in my head.
since tues i cant escape it, i just feel sad, depressed, lonely, bored, socially deprived, money wasting, nostalgic, longing for more, longing for a job, longing for my friends, wanting it to go back to how it used to be, the people that were there, the times we had, living in dc again, hoping my friends will still be there.....i think about dc way too much. its like an obcession, an addiction, a drive, a drive for something better, aspiring to better and finally achieving my goals. i want it so fucking badly. i want a job, not an internship or temporary thing, i want the real thing. now. its going to be tough, but i cant cut any corners, talk to my contacts, go to career services, prepare myself. i need this for me. no one else. i need to finally do something for me, not everyone else. ive been saying i need to do that forever but idk if i ever have, we will c what happens. do i really mean that much? to myself? to others? do they care about how i feel?
syracuse is an interesting place in the summer. marshall street is actually more crowded because of townees. its like they avoid it when students r there. everything is under construction. like adam said: we have two seasons; contruction and winter. funny, sad but true. im so bored here. there is no one here for me. no one to socialize with, no one to visit or just some one different to talk to. it sucks. too much time alone. i need to get out. im going to be very clingy chi, i cant keep doing what i am doing here. i need to get out and c people and be around people. fuck. me. i need out. this is just bring me down. everything is, idk what exactly. its just like i dont have anyway to express myself so i am buying a bunch of new shit in hopes in fills some hole. excites me. occupies me.
i feel like such a piece of shit. lazy, unmotivated, monotone, fat, unemotionally towars everyone. my emotions are my biggest problem right now. it is seriously worrying me. i feel so cold all the time. no matter who im with.y am i so monotone and uninspiring? i need this to change. i need a charge. a kick in the ass to get my life back in gear. im in a rut right now. i need to get out of this funk. i need to get myself out there more. be more friendly and energetic. i feel like ive lost it. im just forcing it now and being awkward. not natural anymore. is it my living? idk anymore. im so lsot in life. i need help. i need to talk to someone. i need to get this out. i j or dcm peeps, i just told them everything. i let everything off my chest and just lived. i need that again. i need to get this stree out, talk to others and live. not let it bog me down like it is now. wow, i figured it out. i leegitimately feel better right now. i talk it out with myself and it worked. how bout that. now who? where? when? how? o well. well thats a goal for these 2 weeks and for my final year in college.
goodnight everyone. leaving at 6am. fuck it. fuck it all to hell i say :)
lyrics of the song that just ended on spotify, all too well fitting. its been a rainy summer in cuse and i feel like its raining in my head.
since tues i cant escape it, i just feel sad, depressed, lonely, bored, socially deprived, money wasting, nostalgic, longing for more, longing for a job, longing for my friends, wanting it to go back to how it used to be, the people that were there, the times we had, living in dc again, hoping my friends will still be there.....i think about dc way too much. its like an obcession, an addiction, a drive, a drive for something better, aspiring to better and finally achieving my goals. i want it so fucking badly. i want a job, not an internship or temporary thing, i want the real thing. now. its going to be tough, but i cant cut any corners, talk to my contacts, go to career services, prepare myself. i need this for me. no one else. i need to finally do something for me, not everyone else. ive been saying i need to do that forever but idk if i ever have, we will c what happens. do i really mean that much? to myself? to others? do they care about how i feel?
syracuse is an interesting place in the summer. marshall street is actually more crowded because of townees. its like they avoid it when students r there. everything is under construction. like adam said: we have two seasons; contruction and winter. funny, sad but true. im so bored here. there is no one here for me. no one to socialize with, no one to visit or just some one different to talk to. it sucks. too much time alone. i need to get out. im going to be very clingy chi, i cant keep doing what i am doing here. i need to get out and c people and be around people. fuck. me. i need out. this is just bring me down. everything is, idk what exactly. its just like i dont have anyway to express myself so i am buying a bunch of new shit in hopes in fills some hole. excites me. occupies me.
i feel like such a piece of shit. lazy, unmotivated, monotone, fat, unemotionally towars everyone. my emotions are my biggest problem right now. it is seriously worrying me. i feel so cold all the time. no matter who im with.y am i so monotone and uninspiring? i need this to change. i need a charge. a kick in the ass to get my life back in gear. im in a rut right now. i need to get out of this funk. i need to get myself out there more. be more friendly and energetic. i feel like ive lost it. im just forcing it now and being awkward. not natural anymore. is it my living? idk anymore. im so lsot in life. i need help. i need to talk to someone. i need to get this out. i j or dcm peeps, i just told them everything. i let everything off my chest and just lived. i need that again. i need to get this stree out, talk to others and live. not let it bog me down like it is now. wow, i figured it out. i leegitimately feel better right now. i talk it out with myself and it worked. how bout that. now who? where? when? how? o well. well thats a goal for these 2 weeks and for my final year in college.
goodnight everyone. leaving at 6am. fuck it. fuck it all to hell i say :)
